Thursday, January 14, 2010
The love of a parent
In fact, the first couple months, Samson rejected me. He would tell me he loved me but he also told the neighbor girl he loved her. He didn't know what he was saying.
Rejection is tough and he seemed to reject me more than he rejected Steve. This was hard on me. Each day I would wake up and give it the Lord and hope that the day would come soon that he would finally understand that I am his mom, that I love him very much and that I will take care of his every need. At times I wish I could have pushed a fast forward button and be done with the attachment process. As hard as they were, these first days were important for him to find his place in our family and that would take time. He would have to learn to trust me. I would have to be patient.
I love him so much and often times lavish him with hugs and kisses. But when he was first home, he didn't want my kisses and hugs. In fact, sometimes he would brush them off his face or wipe spit on his tummy so I wouldn't want to blow on it. I probably would do the same thing if a stranger tried getting that close to me. He didn't know me.
I kind of unknowingly rejected God for several years of my life and I now know how painful that must have been for Him. But He never gave up on me. He still loved me. He still took care of me. He still claimed me as His child. He was patient with me.
I was thinking about how we are all orphans and until we accept God as our Father and enter into His Family, we will remain orphans. We will not know the love of our Father in heaven or know the benefits of being in His family if we don't ever begin a relationship with Him.
On June 16th, our adoption of Samson was final in Ethiopian courts. On December 16th, we finalized our adoption of Samson in the US court system. Once we say "yes" to God, our adoption is final. That's it!
Throughout this journey, I have learned more about the benefits of surrendering to a higher power and God's role as my heavenly Father than I have learned the first 40 years of my life. I have witnessed God's love lavished on me. I have felt tender moments together with Him as I had to give Him full control over our journey to Samson.
God has taught me to love as Christ has loved. I always thought I knew what love was, then God took me on this journey. I have learned to love with my guard down and with no pre-judgment of others. I have learned that the kind of love you receive from God, is love without restrictions or loopholes. It's pure, it's beautiful, it's simple.
I want to be that person who loves without boundaries - someone who God can use to show the rest of the world about His love and Grace. I want God to be the first one I call out to when I wake up. I have so much more to learn about love but I want to be that person who can show God's love to those who reject it like I had at one time. As part of His family, I count it as a privilege to tell others how He is a loving God, that He will take care of our every need and that He has our best interest in mind.
After all, if I would have ignored the Lord's prompting, if I would have not set aside my insecurities, if I would not have recognized my own self righteousness, I would not have one of the biggest treasures of my life - Samson.
(P.S. Click on the song "Orphans of God" on the playlist at the bottom of my blog. This song expresses just what I am learning.)