Friday, January 8, 2010

Kids are worth your time...

Anyway, I just rocked Samson down for his afternoon nap. This is my favorite part of my day and our most tender moments together.

I always sing or hum while I rock him in my arms but today I cried. I was thinking about how far we have come on this journey together and one thought led to another.

Samson and I have been apart from each other less than 20 hours in the almost 5 months we have been home. I don't go too many places without him. In fact, we don't go too many places outside our home at all.

Four months with a new 2 year old in isolation has almost worn me out. I say almost because what has helped me keep my my sanity is knowing that he is all worth it.

During the first 4 months, I had several moments of frustration and breaking points. I know he was equally frustrated and rightly so.

But we have gotten to know each other a little more each day. Samson's language has helped us communicate better and we now very much enjoy each other's company almost all the time. We have had so many beautiful moments together learning from each other and growing together.

The thoughts that brought tears to my eyes were how lucky I am to call him my son and how lucky I am to be his mother. There has never been a time that I wished to go back or wondered what have we done.

However, there have been times that I was at the end of my rope, begging for relief or a break.

With our three girls, I didn't work near as hard at getting to know them or bonding with them. I have a great relationship with each of them. Even though we endured many frustrations parenting them over the years, nothing it seems has been as intense as the past 4 months.

So, when I was rocking him today, I cried tears of joy, tears of guilt and tears of sadness.

I was overjoyed with the tenderness of the moment, guilty about having thoughts of wanting a break from him and sad for other special people who were once part of his life and may never have another tender moment with him. Those who loved him first and still love him (no doubt) today, would welcome one more moment, one more hug and one more kiss with him.

I will try not to complain again about the struggles of parenting. Struggles only stretch us and shape us into better parents.

I also recognize that it is healthy to take a break from your kids. Recently, I have attended a couple of Lauren's cross country meets and left Samson with his grandma, which proved to be the time away we needed from each other.

Nontheless, our time together is nothing less than special and wonderful. He changed me. My children have always been one of the most important part of my life but I don't think I have always given my girls the quantity of time they deserve. I know I missed seeing some areas of their growth. I wish I could go back and do somethings over but for now I'm just thankful that I have many more parenting years ahead of me.

Samson has confirmed for me how much kids are worth your time. It's such a treat to watch him grow and change. Parenting is hard work but when you work hard, something good will come out of your hard work.

1 comment:

Kate and Jeff said...

Tammy your post is beautiful. I leave Antone five days a week at daycare and I leave a part of myself there everyday. I'm so glad you have those quiet moments with Samson and that he has come so far.