Security items

Today school is closed due to the weather. So, Steve and I were having breakfast together downstairs while the kids were sleeping in. Just as we were finishing our breakfast, I heard one of the bedroom doors upstairs open and slam shut. We knew it was Samson because this is his routine each morning. I met him at the bottom of the stairs, saw this and grabbed my camera:

When we were preparing to bring Samson home, we were informed that it's very important for your child to attach to an item, such as a doll, stuffed animal or blanket. I read many stories of families returning with their toddlers, feeding them formula from a bottle.

So, we were prepared. We arrived in Ethiopia with bottles, pacifiers, blankets and other potential "security" items.

We were advised to introduce these items to our new toddler son as a method of regressing him back to the baby stages. We were also told that if he can attach well to an item, this will help his attachment to us.

So, you can imagine our disappointment when he refused the bottle after several offers. Also, at the care center, we watched him gulp down several cups of the toddler age formula they fed to the toddlers. The first sippy of formula I prepared for him on the plane, he refused and never would drink another drop of formula from that point on.

We tried encouraging him to gravitate to a favorite stuffed animal, blanket or a doll. But he met this with great resistance. He pushed away any potential security item we offered.

Then he received his doll Yunnie for Christmas last year. We thought this was going to be the key to his security item. However, after the first night, Yunnie wasn't that important to him anymore.

Fast forward to preschool show and tell one month ago. I suggested he bring his doll Yunnie. He was so dis-attached from Yunnie that he didn't even remember his name, even after we tried several attempts over the past year to introduce Yunnie as a potential security item, he still forgot his name. Oh and Yunnie was Samson's nick name at the care center and he named his doll Yunnie.

The last few nights I have laid Yunnie by Samson's side so that he would wake up with him and just maybe want to hold him. I always wrap Samson in his blanket each time I put him down. However, each morning he wakes up, he sheds the blanket and leaves Yunnie behind.

Last night when I rocked Samson to sleep, he asked me for the first time if I could rock Yunnie to sleep with him. So, this morning when he came down with both a blanket and Yunnie, I cried. I don't know how much more this will carry on, but I like seeing my son care for his doll this way. I do see the value in having a security item.

I don't know whether his inability to attach to a security item should be a concern or not. But I'm not worried mainly because well, he has attached well to us and us to him. We have made big strides in recent months with attachment, without him being attached to an item.

But what I like about seeing him with a doll and blanket is seeing the gentle, caring side of him. I knew all along that there was this side to him but he has been hiding it up until this point. He has been showing his "I am tough and I can handle life on my own without any comforts" side to us.

He does let us hold him and snuggle with him and we have sweet moments together when I rock him to sleep. But all of these ways that we try to comfort him were also met with resistance up until just a few months ago.

Suppose Samson did show favoritism towards an object for his security when he first joined our family. I admit, I felt like a failure many times at failed attempts to introduce an attachment item. I wondered what we were doing wrong and why it worked for other families and not ours.

But now, I'm starting to wonder if a security item may have gotten in the the way of or delayed his attachment to Steve and I. I am not a psychologist but I also know that when it comes to raising kids, you can't just follow a book. Each child is so different.

This whole blog post is reminding me of our relationship with Christ. We are suppose to put Him first in our lives before anything else. However, how often do we put our security in things and these things get in the way of us trusting Him.

Just maybe Samson has learned to trust us first and put his security in us first. He now is comfortable with us and knows the love of a parent. I'm beginning to think that God wanted our relationship to be the focus. Maybe other security items may have been a distraction?

P.S. Samson just came and informed me that he put Yunnie in a time out. LOL!! Another sign of his love for that doll =)