Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Update and progress

We celebrated Easter with my family this year and the kids enjoyed hours of play with their cousins and endless rides on the Go-Kart and 4-Wheeler on the farm.

We have had more good moments than not so good moments with Samson in recent days. Warmer weather and playing outside have contributed to my more positive attitude. Having a more positive attitude of course gives me the patience and strength to deal with the intense moments. Although I must say, that these warmer days have worn me out physically because chasing a toddler outside requires much more movement than chasing them in the house.

Right now we are in a good place as far as attachment is concerned. In fact the other night when Steve and I left the house for a short walk, Samson was very angry at me when we returned. The girls said he cried the whole time we were gone (ouch!). When I went to pick him up, he said, "No mommy! You can't go on walk! No mommy! Don't do that again!" This is when being mad is actually a good thing as far as attachment is concerned.

When Samson was first home, he rejected me but it was different. I was a stranger to him then and he didn't care how much he hurt me. His rejection was without an emotional attachment to me. Does that make sense? He didn't reject me because I hurt him. He rejected me because he feared getting hurt if he allowed me too close to him.

So that night, his sadness was with emotional ties.  He has reached a point where he trusts me. He has allowed me to be close to him. When I left him behind, he was hurt. Steve and I have left him with the girls before but never has he been mad at me.

We had another experience at our Early Childhood class yesterday that also was a good sign we are progressing with our attachment. The first half of our class time, the parents play activities with their children. The second half, the parents go to a separate room, leaving the kids to play and do activities with a couple teachers.

Each time we have gone, he easily says good-bye to me and has no problem separating from me. I've observed that most of the other children do have an issue with separating from their parent.

Yesterday, when we said our good-byes, he immediately started to walk to the next activity, like he usually does but this time, he stopped half way to the activity, turned around and started to walk back towards that group of parents leaving the room. I was peaking around the corner, out of sight from him but waited to see what he would do.

He looked a little worried when he didn't see me, then decided to turn around and continue on to the next thing. But he did stop and look back a couple times, which made me feel good. When I came back to the room to pick him up, he had a somewhat sad look on his face. I asked him if something was wrong and I asked him if he missed me and of course he said, "Yes mommy, I missed you!" He allowed me to pick him up and carry him all the way to the car. (Usually he has to walk all on his own and open every door.)

Progress is always fun to see even if it's just a moment or a short experience here and there.

I have been waiting for the day when he would play independently on his own without worrying about my whereabouts. I look forward to the days when I can load and unload the wash machine, empty and load the dishwasher, fold laundry, and vacuum without a toddler stuck to me. Not that I don't wish for him to help, just sometimes I have limited time to complete housework.

Today I'm baking bread and for the first time ever that I have baked bread, I got as far as the dough rising before Samson even knew I was baking bread. Usually he is right up on the center island rolling in the flour and insisting on more and more dough to play with. His own play dough doesn't always satisfy him enough - he has to have mommy's dough.

I love having my kids help in the kitchen but making bread is so much easier to do when you don't have a toddler dumping items into the batch and flour all over the kitchen.

These have been good days. Praying we continue to see God's grace in our lives.


hotflawedmama said...

Progress feels good, doesn't it!

Bonnie said...

aaaawwwwhhhh such good news!!! i bet you both sleep well at night!!!!

Shannon- said...

I soooo needed to hear this. Thank you for posting so specifically. Sometimes it is hard for me to remember that 3 months home there is still work to do and not get lazy. Thankyou

Shannon- said...

Aww. Thanks for telling me about your daughters!! It's nice to know these things as there is so much they lose to memory at this age and so much they can't verbalize. Its nice to know he was having some fun!