Monday, September 14, 2009

Attachment


The bottom line - this attachment thing is not easy. I knew it wouldn't be. But it is much harder on this mother's heart than I thought it would be.

We know he enjoys being with our family, but even so, he still flirts with strangers and is not afraid to go to just about anyone. Some people think this is a good sign, that he is not shy, that he is just social. But this week we were reminded by our social worker that this is a sign that we have a long ways to go with attachment.

I am so in love with this little boy. It has not been hard for me to attach to him but him to me is still work in progress and it will be for a while. He seems to be the hardest on his mommy. I'm kind to him, give him everything he needs, have lots of fun with him all day long but I am also the one who puts him down for his naps, which he hates. So, when he wakes up from his nap, he remembers that I am that mean one. It's painful! Rejection is hard.

Another sign we have a long ways to go is that when I leave the house for a walk or an errand, he just waves and says, "bye, bye mommy". I want him to scream and cry because that would be a better sign he is attaching to me. But when I return, he runs to me, yelling "mommy's home, mommy's home!"

Oh, he does say, "mommy, I love you" often. But when he said "I love you ---" to the neighbor girl at our front door yesterday morning, I now wonder if he even knows what "I love you" means.

We are making progress, little by little. With patience, time and perseverance, it will happen. I know it will. The good thing is that I have him all to myself while the girls are in school and Steve is at work, so I know we will make much progress that way.

2 comments:

btmidden said...

We have to remember that he is only 2 and has had a lot of change and adjusting to do in a short time. He will start to "own" you as his family before you know it. He is a very happy little boy and is yours forever. The older he gets the more he will understand. Keep up the great job of being such good parents! Teri

Lyn-Dee said...

Hey Tammy - Hang in there! You are doing great and it will just take some time. He may not be shopping as much as just a friendly little boy. It is still hard after a year home with LT to always tell what is adoption related and what is LT's personality.

Love that you now have him home!!!