Home from Haiti

We are home from our vision trip to Haiti. I find myself short on words to describe the experience. When someone asks "how was it?" I don't know where to begin or if I get started, I don't know where to end.

For now, I will start by saying, this was a different experience than my last trip to Haiti. Last time, we traveled with a group of 16 of us. Everywhere we went, we had at least 4 translators and a AIM team leader with our group. I had no fear. Other than a couple rainy nights in a wet tent, I hardly ever felt uncomfortable.

This time, we traveled as a team of six. We had our fearless leader, Pastor Dan with us most of the time and part of the time one translator. This time, I felt like little mice running around Haiti, feeling a bit more fearful and more uncomfortable. This time we immersed ourselves slightly more into the culture.

We went with an itinerary. Our days were all mapped out. However, after the second full day, God took our itinerary away - He had other plans.

We were scheduled to take the tap tap up in the mountains to visit Pastor F's church Sunday morning. This was going to be one of the highlights of our trip and an important excursion because we are looking at helping Pastor F build a church and rebuild his orphanage - pretty much the focus of our trip. Him and his family were looking forward to our presence at the Sunday morning service.

But God had other plans. The tap tap would not start that morning. After prayer and discussion, we decided to walk to our interpreter, Pierre's church. Once there, we were able to catch the last half hour of his service. Usually a worship service in Haiti lasts about 3 - 4 hours, so we were very late. Despite being late, Pierre was thrilled and surprised to see our team. After the service, we walked Pierre home, met his wife and child and prayed over them in their home. We were blessed! It was the right thing for our team to be doing Sunday morning. From that point on, Pierre and his family will always have a special place in each of our hearts.

The pastor and his family were so disappointed that we did not make it to their church that morning. However, in Haiti, there are always several opportunities to attend church throughout the week, so we decided we would rent a tap tap and go Monday evening.

Now being out in the mountains in the evening hours gave me slight hesitation but I thought well, the pastor would discourage us if he thought there was any danger.

So our team set off up the mountain side in a tap tap. Our security was the pastor's 10 year old daughter and 12 year old son. The tap tap was able to bring us only as far as to a bridge that crossed over a river.

10 year only "L" took Steve's hand and gave him a reassuring smile as she led us all across the rickety bridge and up the mountainside through what appeared to be the poorest of the poor in Haiti. Walking a narrow path, past tarp roofed homes and many many stares, was probably one of the most uncomfortable moments of our trip.

After about a 5 minute walk, we arrived to the temporary church structure. There was no electricity in sight anywhere around us as the sun was setting. But the church had a generator, which produced light and sound, so it was like a little "city on a hill" or a light in much darkness.

Outside the church, we saw poverty at it's worst in Haiti. Also, I'm quite sure many of the people we saw had never seen a white person.

The service we attended was a prayer service. They prayed for our team. We sang worship songs. We were blessed and felt welcomed.

During the entire 2 hour service, I had the pleasure of holding the youngest member of the orphanage, little "B", who snuggled into my shoulder and napped. "B" stole our hearts. She is a gorgeous 10 month baby girl with a beautiful personality. As I was holding her close and snuggling her tight, "L", grabbed by elbow to get my attention, pointed to a woman in the next row over and said, "B's mommy!" At the same time, B's mommy was looking right at us!

This was B's birth mom looking at the white woman snuggling with her baby. It was the most awkward moment for me of our trip so far. The rest of the service, my heart broke for a mother who could not provide for her child and made the ultimate sacrifice to give her a better life. I had heard her story already... 5 other kids at home, not knowing where their next meal will come from, all suffering greatly from malnutrition. I wondered what was going through her mind.

When I wasn't thinking about B's birth mom, I was praying that somehow that tap tap would be parked right outside the church so that we didn't have to walk that crazy and scary strip back over the bridge at night.

Well, God answered my prayers. The tap tap was backed up to the church. I found out later that evening that I wasn't the only one praying for that to happen.

Outside in the tap tap as little B was passed around, her birth mother approached our team. Pastor F's wife, introduced us to her. She greeted us each with a gentle hand shake and a warm smile. She also got to hold B, hug her and snuggle with her. It truly was an interesting moment to watch this interaction. Life seemed so unfair at that moment but yet she was happy for her daughter's life.

Once our team was all settled in the tap tap, our driver began heading down the mountain the other direction, crossing over a huge rock pile first. Our trip down the mountain was an adventure. Let's just say, we were literally on the edge of a cliff and the road had so many pot holes and was so uneven that I'm quite sure it would not even meet the standards of a low maintenance road in the U.S.

But we survived to tell the story and joke about it later. The entire trip was full of adventure. This is just one story of many.

Some of what we experienced and learned while in Haiti is so terribly heartbreaking. There are children who need to be rescued from bondage. Slavery and trafficking of children is alive and thriving in Haiti. Being aware of this is one thing but actually being a witness to this injustice, has rocked my world.

The culture there is one that's difficult to understand. If a child is late for school, they get a beating. Physical punishment of children is quickly handed out and widely accepted. I stood by a Haitian woman who was shouting at a 12 year old girl with a strong hold on her chin and arm. I asked her what she was saying to the girl and in her broken English to me, she said, "I told her she is nothing but trouble, that she is a bad bad girl!" This was as a result of the 12 year old girl refusing to stay with her because she wanted to come with me. She was treated horribly. But God is good and this 12 year old is now in a safe haven. I'll share more about her story in another post.

I could go on and on because there are so many more stories. I guess that means many more blog posts on the horizon.

I can't wait to tell you about the orphanage where we spent most of our time, building relationships and making forever friends. Another blog post coming soon!

Turning a New Leaf

We had a great 2011!

I'll be brief because I realize that it's been a very long time since I have blogged.

Olivia took up a new passion. She is now taking theater classes and hopes to be in a local production this summer. Avery continues to work the mats and the bars in her gymnastics classes. Lauren is deep into the ski season, actually it is almost over and they are now just able to ski on snow. Samson LOVES his preschool and music classes. He also continues to impress us with his dance moves, mostly break dancing.

In 2011 our family also became part of a new church plant in our community. We have been blessed with many new friendships.

After several months of advocating for an orphanage in Haiti and almost throwing in the towel, I am now taking a team to the orphanage for a vision trip. I had the opportunity to share their story in church one Sunday morning and after the service I was overwhelmed by the number of families who wanted to come along side me. 10 days after I spoke, we had airline tickets purchased for a team of 6 of us heading there TOMORROW! After we booked the flights, we had only 6 weeks to prepare. I'll write about our trip when I return.

At the same time we were making plans to travel to Haiti, Steve was wrapping up his most recent employment with a local printer. He is one of the 6 going to Haiti. What another blessing to be able to share this experience with him.

Please pray for our team going to Haiti, the people we will be coming in contact with and for our families who will be waiting for us back home.

Steve has been in transition for at least a couple months already, giving him opportunity to be home more, which has been great for family bonding. We are closer as a family than we have ever been. He hadn't realized how much he was missing at home until now.

It's always exciting to turn a new leaf. The adventure in not knowing the next steps can be exciting too but also a little scary. We don't know what the next thing is for our family and sometimes we can grow impatient waiting to find out. But we are at peace knowing that God's plan is the best plan for our lives and his plans are well worth waiting for.

Expressions from a four year old

I haven't blogged for a very long time, so for now, I thought I would share some cute expressions from Samson's perspective.

When we were driving in the car together, just out of the blue Samson said, "I want to milk a cow!"
First I laughed because I thought, where did that come from? There was not a cow in sight and he all of a sudden wants to milk a cow? Truth be told, I've always wanted to milk a cow too. We may have to find a dairy farm soon to satisfy this urge.

One morning when we were in a hurry, I told Samson, "Quick! Get your shirt on! We have to go now!" Samson's reply back? "I will go as quick as a dog chews." I don't have any idea where that came from.

One day when he was racing his sister Avery upstairs Samson said, "The last one up has to eat cheap candy corn." This statement in itself is bizarre but to add to that, it wasn't even Thanksgiving season when you may have candy corn around in the house. He has one goofy imagination.

The other day, when he stepped out of the bathtub, he had a wet washcloth wrapped around his waist and said, "Mommy! I look like Jesus!"

We are also going through a phase of making up jokes. I remember when my girls were the same age and loved to make up jokes. They have all told jokes that don't make any sense and are so silly that they make us laugh anyway. But I don't know if they know they are not really that funny.

That's all I will share for now. My next post may be titled something like, "Turning a new leaf" because our family is waiting on the next thing. We know what ever lies ahead, we are going to be blessed but I have to admit, I am a bit fearful of the unknowns. I'll update soon!

Our $2 Day

Almost half the world lives on less than $2 per day. A few organizations put together a challenge for families and individuals to try for just one day to feed our families on $2. Yesterday was the day.

When I first saw this challenge, I had "good" excuses to exclude our family:  Lauren is in Nordic skiing and has vigorous workouts after school; my younger girls receive snacks during school and I couldn't ask them to turn down the snack. Also, kids would make fun of them if they brought a very small sack lunch. How would they explain to their friends this weird thing that their family decided to do?

What about Samson? He has already experienced severe hunger in his life. How could I expect him to eat so little for one day?

This challenge just was not a fit for our family.

Then the closer we got to the day of the challenge, I realized more and more that my excuses don't hold any water. The whole purpose of the challenge is to know how it feels to be in half of the world's population shoes just for one day.

The challenge is suppose to help us feel the same pain that a mother feels when they can't provide an adequate nutrient filled diet for their children. It must be one of the most difficult things to watch your child's health diminish, to watch them grow weak because you can't provide enough food to sustain them.

So, I decided that our family can do this. I started planning, like many parents all over the world plan each day, how I would provide for my family for this one day. I decided that I would eat less so that my kids could  have more. I also made the decision to exempt Samson from the challenge because I don't want him to experience hunger again.

Days leading up to yesterday, I was beginning to feel what it's like to be a mother on a limited food budget. I told myself, how can I not experience this for just one day when mothers all over the world endure this challenge without a choice every single day.

I designed a menu. I did sacrifice my portions for my children. I packed a meager lunch for each of the girls. Without a complaint, they left the house with their lunch and agreed to not take the snack for the day. They had more confidence in themselves that they could do this than I had in them.

When I picked up the little girls from school, they were hungry but did not complain. Olivia shared with me that she explained the whole thing to her class. They asked her many questions. This sounded like it was a great learning opportunity for Olivia and her classmates.

Last night at the dinner table, Olivia thanked God for bringing our family through this experience. She was grateful!

I worried the most about Lauren. She is in Nordic skiing and she always needs a healthy snack after school to get her through practice. Yesterday was one of the most difficult practices they have had this year and she did it with no snack and very little to eat at lunch.

Her friends weren't as understanding or kind about it. They actually tried bribing her with food all during the lunch period. She said they thought it was weird. But she did not succumb to pressure and stuck with the challenge.

Lauren also had a AP Biology test today. Last night as she was going to her room to study, she looked weak and tired. I felt horrible for her and offered her more to eat so she could have the strength to study well for her test. But she turned down more food by saying, "kids who eat like this everyday must have to study for big tests."

When I put my little ones to sleep last night, I had a pounding headache. Avery also complained of feeling faint and weak. But I knew all of our headaches and our weakness would be gone in the morning. I knew that today we could eat a "normal" days worth of food and that we would all be fine.

It pained me to think about families who put their kids to bed hungry, wake up hungry and go day after day on little to eat. How selfish of  me to at one time think that we could not do this even for one day.

Sometimes I convince myself that I am doing enough to fight injustice in this world. I have even asked God to release me of some responsibilities because at times I feel overwhelmed.

But in reality, I know I can do more. I don't really believe that God ever says,
"That's enough! You are doing too much!"

Sometimes I think we have to put ourselves in someone's shoes even if it is just for one day to give us the motivation to respond. We need to be stretched and challenged otherwise we run the risk of becoming desensitized by the needs around us.

Also, when we make it less about ourselves and more about Him, I know we can do so much more. Admittedly, I fear asking for more. That seems risky too.

However, I rather ask for more and take the risk of God using me to make a difference in the world than to do nothing and risk missing out on the adventure God has planned for me.

We love you Grandma June

I lost my sweet, beautiful grandma June on November 1st. I love her so much and will miss her dearly. You know the story in the Bible when a crowd gathers around Jesus and the adults push there way to him but Jesus commands, "Let the little children come to me!" This story shows clearly that our Lord looks out for the little ones.

Well, this is the same image my grandma has left with me. She had a Christ-like character when it came to loving children. Wheelchair bound, she welcomed sometimes 2 children at a time to her lap and would adorn them with many hugs and kisses, telling them how much they had grown and how much she loved them.

The first time she met Samson, she was 89 years old and I was unsure how she would respond to him. But you know, that's another thing I will always remember about my grandma...she did not judge others. Never once did I ever hear her speak poorly about anyone else. She always thought of others first and she always had high regards for each person she ever came in contact with.

She embraced Samson with as much love and affection as she offered to his sisters. In fact at times she seemed to favor him. While other women about her same age were asking where he came from, calling him a "darky" and asking how I know he doesn't have aids, my grandma loved him unconditionally.

My grandma was also very generous despite having very little. When she lived in her assistant living place, the personnel would bring her to the local dollar store where she would buy little figurines to hand out to her visitors. The kids have several of these figurines.

Each time we visited, she wanted to give something to the kids, a piece of candy, an angel figurine or a small stuffed animal. She would look around her room at her very few possessions and come up with something that she could offer to each of the kids.

She lived to be 91 years old. The last week of her life, she was admitted to the hospital, placed on hospice and on a high dose of morphine.

During this week, she was visibly in a lot of pain. One day, on a whim, I decided to take Samson and drive to the hospital to see her.

She was not opening her eyes any longer and was unable to speak but when I held her hand, it was very evident that she was coherent. She responded to my talking by squeezing my hand and trying very hard to open her eyes and to talk.

After some time, I held Samson up to her and he gave her a kiss on her forehead and then he sang a few songs to her, like the ABC's and "I'm Bringing Home My Baby Bubble Bee". This obviously brought pure joy to her heart. She responded in such a way to Samson's presence I thought that for a moment she was about to open her eyes and speak. She grasped his little hand tightly into hers, not letting anything hold her back from showing her affection towards Samson one last time.

It is the hardest thing on earth to say good-bye to someone you know you will not see again on this side of heaven.

But I left that day with a happy heart too. I was happy that she would soon be free of her pain and in the arms of Jesus. What a comfort to know that my grandma knew where she was going and she knew Jesus.

She went home to be with Jesus that same evening.

We will miss you grandma June!

Really Cool New Shirts!

We have the new Bring Love In T-shirts in the store now! Go check them out!

All proceeds go to help orphan and widows in Ethiopia.

Coming soon: some really amazing metal artwork. Make sure to check back often for more new items

More than we can handle

You know the statement, "God never gives you more than you can handle?" Well, I share Katie Davis' perspective on this statement in that God absolutely, intentionally gives us more than we can handle.

Katie states that, He gives us more than we can handle "because this is when we surrender to Him and He takes over, proving Himself by doing the impossible in our lives."

Right now I am faced with the "impossible" because of my limited knowledge. I feel so directionless as an advocate for an orphanage in Haiti. But Katie's words encouraged me once again that God can turn this situation around. That maybe He is overwhelming me with the task so that I can die to myself and need more of Him.

I have followed up with the business man who showed interest in learning more about how he can help. He is still "thinking" about it. And although I have not given up hope, God has directed me to keep advocating and not to wait on this man.

There is an organization that I have been communicating with and they are interested in coming along side me in efforts to help the orphanage. They have people on the ground in Haiti and they are an organization that I have grown to know and trust the people who would work with me.

Several months ago, they entered into a very messy situation with another orphanage in the same city. There is evidence that this orphanage has been trafficking children and harvesting their organs among many other reported abuses. This has taken much of their time and energy.

Therefore, we will have to wait, which I'm fine with because it's important that the 75 children of this orphanage are freed of their bondage first. They are working on getting the orphanage shut down and then they will assist in placing each child in a safe and trusting orphanage.

In the meantime, they asked me to pull together a critical mass of people to help sponsor the children in Pastor Firmin's orphanage. I have pictures, names and ages of the children. I'm working on pulling together a monthly amount that would support each child.

At this time, I don't know how I'm going to present this or how I'm going to manage donors but I know in time God will show me how. Please pray for each of these 17 children. Pray whether God wants you to sponsor one of them. Together, we can make a difference for 17 children who desperately need our prayers, support and encouragement. Let's watch God figure this one out!

His Work

I started reading the book, "Kisses from Katie". I am so inspired by Katie's life and the experiences she shares loving the people in Uganda. If you don't follow Katie's story, you may want to check out her blog. Her writing will fill you up.

In her book, she wrote this:

"For years before I went to Uganda, I had fantasized about doing something incredible for God and others; what I have learned is that I can do nothing incredible, but as I follow God into impossible situations, He can work miracles in and through me."

I LOVE this statement. We cannot by our own strength do anything great for God. But instead, God can do amazing things through us when we let Him use us.

For a little over a year our family along with friends of our family have come along side the Benkert family serving in Ethiopia, first through Drawn From Water and now with Bring Love In. We have been running the on-line store.

The Benkerts have thanked us over and over again for our support. But really, it should be us thanking them for this opportunity. I personally do not feel qualified or worthy of this work.

And when my friend Rachael and I sat down to design the new Bring Love In t-shirt, I admit, my creative juices were not flowing. They were interrupted by thoughts going through my head, like "why am I chosen for this work?" "Aren't there others who are far more qualified than I?"

Like Katie, I have always wanted to do something great for God. But when we let Him do the work, He can do more than we can imagine.

I can be creative but I have limited software skills and knowledge. This is where Rachael fits in - she has experience with design work and the software.

So, the two of us sat there and at the end of our time together, we came up with something very simple and basic. We forwarded this to the Benkerts for approval and they "loved" it.

Now, I know there is nothing wrong with simple and basic - I'm slowly learning that simple is best in life. However, I just was not sure about the design, like we hadn't put enough effort into it and did not give it our best shot. Maybe the Benkerts were just being kind by saying they loved it.

Rachael shared the same feelings as I. She expressed that given the time to focus and concentrate, she maybe could come up with something different.

Really when I think back, we were trying hard to come up with something amazing but maybe we weren't letting God in on the project. Plus we both allowed our own insecurities be a barrier to God's work.

I prayed that God would work through her and help her design something amazing - a design that would be unmistakably perfect for the new t-shirt. I am far from perfect but I know that God can use us to perfect His work.

The next day I received a text from Rachael to check my email. I went to my computer and downloaded several new files to my computer and what I pulled up were the most incredible design ideas for the Bring Love In t-shirts.

Around the same time, Bring Love In showcased their new leather cuff bracelets.

The new t-shirt design ideas included a design that resembled the design on the bracelets! At first glance, one would think that they were designed together. But this was not Rachael's plan to design them this way - God just made it happen this way. This is the design the Benkerts chose as their favorite!

We are so close to adding the new t-shirts to the store. We are so excited to see the finish product and we know you will like them. Plus this time we are offering both a men's and women's shirt. So, keep checking the store, it will be there soon - I promise!

I know that Rachael would agree with me that all of this is God's workmanship. We can not take any credit. I am so blessed to have this work - it brings pure joy in my heart just knowing that the work God has given me will help give orphans and widows a forever family.