I just returned from a spirit filled weekend. It began with an overnight women's retreat. Then off to the cities with some friends to see Chris Tomlin in concert. But not before attending a church service at Church of the Open Doors where Joel Hanson leads the worship music. Wow! My cup is overflowing!!
Between my retreat and trip out of town, I only got 10 minutes to say "good bye" to my girls before Steve shuffled them off to grandmas for the night.
We don't leave our girls overnight often but when we do, my girls grieve over us leaving. All three of them clung to me. They cried real tears of grief, not wanting to say 'good-bye'. My heart also pulled as I promise them that I will pray for each one of them and their time with their grandparents. We also promised them that we would return.
This experience was a good way to explain to my oldest daughter Lauren that we will soon be grieving for the loss of her brother's first family. The feeling she felt when we left for one night will be similar to what her brother will experience when he is relinquished by his first family. Only his family will not be coming back to get him.
I explained to Lauren that his loss will touch our family deeply and that we will most likely grieve right along with him. I knew I could talk about this with Lauren because she is old enough to understand and strong enough to handle the pain of this reality.
Olivia and Avery are aware of the potential circumstances around their brother, which will lead him to join our family. We have talked about the pain of this loss as a whole family. So, I know they can feel the pain of this loss. I just don't know how deep this touches their hearts. They are young and a little more fragile. Not that I want to make light of the circumstances, but for now, I would like to protect their hearts and comfort them when this reality does go deeper for them.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Red Letters
My heart is heavy today after reading this book by Tom Davis over the weekend. The subtitle is "Living a Faith that Bleeds". He writes about the orphans, the sick, the poor and the suffering all over the world.
The statistics are shocking. Just to name a few:
26 million children will die each year to CURABLE diseases!
2.9 million people died of AIDS in 2006 alone! Death from AIDS is preventable!
4500 children will die EACH DAY due to illnesses from unclean drinking water!
Davis challenges us to do more to help the suffering. If we all did our part, there would not be human trafficking. If we all did our part there wouldn't need to be such a thing as orphanages. if we all did our part, each person should have access to clean drinking water.
Despite the staggering statistics, there are good efforts put forward all over the world to help those less fortunate. One area of need that has been on my heart lately, is the need for more clean drinking water.
There are amazing efforts being put forth to bring water to the thirsty all over our world. Charity Water, for one is an organization set up to dig wells where there is not any clean running water in villages all over the world. Yesterday was World Water Day and in honor of this day, let me share how my 8 year old niece has made a difference:
My 8 year old niece, E felt a tug at her heart when she read about the 1.1 billion people in the world without clean drinking water. She didn't let her age hold her back from making a difference. She acted and invited her girl scouts group over for a fun spa party. Each girl could give a free will donation that would go directly towards Charity Water. What meant more than the money she raised for her party was the awareness to several families about an organization and a need that is unknown to many. E may not ever know the larger impact she has made with this simple gesture.
The statistics are shocking. Just to name a few:
26 million children will die each year to CURABLE diseases!
2.9 million people died of AIDS in 2006 alone! Death from AIDS is preventable!
4500 children will die EACH DAY due to illnesses from unclean drinking water!
Davis challenges us to do more to help the suffering. If we all did our part, there would not be human trafficking. If we all did our part there wouldn't need to be such a thing as orphanages. if we all did our part, each person should have access to clean drinking water.
Despite the staggering statistics, there are good efforts put forward all over the world to help those less fortunate. One area of need that has been on my heart lately, is the need for more clean drinking water.
There are amazing efforts being put forth to bring water to the thirsty all over our world. Charity Water, for one is an organization set up to dig wells where there is not any clean running water in villages all over the world. Yesterday was World Water Day and in honor of this day, let me share how my 8 year old niece has made a difference:
My 8 year old niece, E felt a tug at her heart when she read about the 1.1 billion people in the world without clean drinking water. She didn't let her age hold her back from making a difference. She acted and invited her girl scouts group over for a fun spa party. Each girl could give a free will donation that would go directly towards Charity Water. What meant more than the money she raised for her party was the awareness to several families about an organization and a need that is unknown to many. E may not ever know the larger impact she has made with this simple gesture.
I'm grieving for those who are hurting in our world. Last night I even cried myself to sleep thinking about all the needless suffering. I feel ashamed to have so much with almost half the population of the world not having access to clean drinking water, something we take for granted each day.
Tom Davis sets up a challenge at the end of his book for us to help end suffering in our world. If your heart is calling you to help, please pray and then read his book.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Still Waiting
I have a confession to make. Our extended wait time for referral has discouraged me greatly over the past few weeks.
My discouragement has led to much doubt. I've started to question the journey we have chosen to follow.
We have watched families with our agency who were waiting just weeks before us and in some cases waiting after us receive their referrals for toddler boys. Some of these families have become friends of mine through blogging and the forum. They have sent us words of encouragement and have written about us on their blogs, expressing disbelief that our family is still waiting. These families have had their sons home with them for several months.
It doesn't add up. It doesn't make sense. When I communicate with our specialist, she offers very little encouragement, like, "hang in there" or there are "several families still in front of you". How could there be several families still in front of us??!!
It seems like God has been quiet in this adoption process the past few weeks. I have been overwhelmed with doubt. I don't feel very proud of these feelings because God has confirmed many steps of this journey along the way. But now I'm questioning, "Why is it taking so long God?"
It's a long story as to how I happened upon Isaiah 55 one day, but I will tell you that I know without a doubt that God directed me to this particular chapter several months ago for a reason. When I first read this chapter, I understood it to tell me that I need to do something more to help the thirsty, (hence the title of the chapter - "Invitation to the Thirsty").
However, I have always felt like it was telling me something even more than this. Over the past several months, I have read this chapter over and over, looking for answers to why we haven't received our referral. At one time I wondered if this scripture would shed more light on the timing of our referral. Recently, I sat up late in bed one night, trying to read into the verses, hoping for something more to be revealed to me.
Then I picked up the book, Red Letters by Tom Davis. This has been an eye opening book written about the AIDS and orphan crisis's in the world, particularly in Africa. In his first chapter he talks about how "our God is indeed a God of mystery." Then he quotes Isaiah 55: 8 - 9:
"I don't think the way you think.
The way you work isn't the way I work."
God's Decree.
"For as the sky soars high above earth,
so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
and the way I think is beyond the way you think."
After reading these verses for about the 50th time, it finally spoke to me. I don't know why I finally got it, maybe because this is a different Bible version than mine, but all of a sudden, I knew what God was trying to tell me.
My discouragement has led to much doubt. I've started to question the journey we have chosen to follow.
We have watched families with our agency who were waiting just weeks before us and in some cases waiting after us receive their referrals for toddler boys. Some of these families have become friends of mine through blogging and the forum. They have sent us words of encouragement and have written about us on their blogs, expressing disbelief that our family is still waiting. These families have had their sons home with them for several months.
It doesn't add up. It doesn't make sense. When I communicate with our specialist, she offers very little encouragement, like, "hang in there" or there are "several families still in front of you". How could there be several families still in front of us??!!
It seems like God has been quiet in this adoption process the past few weeks. I have been overwhelmed with doubt. I don't feel very proud of these feelings because God has confirmed many steps of this journey along the way. But now I'm questioning, "Why is it taking so long God?"
It's a long story as to how I happened upon Isaiah 55 one day, but I will tell you that I know without a doubt that God directed me to this particular chapter several months ago for a reason. When I first read this chapter, I understood it to tell me that I need to do something more to help the thirsty, (hence the title of the chapter - "Invitation to the Thirsty").
However, I have always felt like it was telling me something even more than this. Over the past several months, I have read this chapter over and over, looking for answers to why we haven't received our referral. At one time I wondered if this scripture would shed more light on the timing of our referral. Recently, I sat up late in bed one night, trying to read into the verses, hoping for something more to be revealed to me.
Then I picked up the book, Red Letters by Tom Davis. This has been an eye opening book written about the AIDS and orphan crisis's in the world, particularly in Africa. In his first chapter he talks about how "our God is indeed a God of mystery." Then he quotes Isaiah 55: 8 - 9:
"I don't think the way you think.
The way you work isn't the way I work."
God's Decree.
"For as the sky soars high above earth,
so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
and the way I think is beyond the way you think."
After reading these verses for about the 50th time, it finally spoke to me. I don't know why I finally got it, maybe because this is a different Bible version than mine, but all of a sudden, I knew what God was trying to tell me.
God was not revealing any kind of timing for our referral. He was telling me that this journey will be perfectly carried out His way. He does not orchestrate journeys in a predictable way. His way will always be a mystery because he doesn't think the way we do.
Here I am thinking, if someone waiting just 10 days before me for a referral can have their child home already, we should have our child home already also. But God does not work this way.
To add to this, I was reminded by Beth Moore during my Bible Study this morning that God is in everything, even during mundane times. I've been guilty of thinking that maybe God is not in this adoption anymore because of inactivity, when in fact He may be directing a lot of details "behind the scenes", details that may remain a mystery to me, for the way God "works, isn't the way I work". There is activity going on - we just don't always see it.
God's timing does make sense to Him because He sees the whole picture. I only know what I see, not what I don't see. You would think that this far in the journey I would know better than not to trust God. Isaiah 55 to me is about trusting God and not about trying to figure everything out.
On a side note, we have chosen a name for our son, which is another amazing story that I will post about once we are ready to make it public.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Birthday Celebration!!
Our little artist Olivia designed this poster (above)
and this card (below)
They LOVE their Daddy!We had a fun day celebrating Steve's 42nd Birthday. I started the day rising at 5:30 to make homemade caramel rolls. I worked hard on these rolls but became impatient when they didn't seem to be rising. Well, we didn't have more time to watch them rise, so I baked them anyway. Three hours after I began laboring over these rolls, we sat down to have our breakfast. I don't know where I went wrong, other than maybe not allowing them to raise long enough but the rolls were um not good. Next time, I think the bakery kind will taste just fine.
Then I threw together an egg bake, made a fruit salad and went to church with the family. After church we had Steve's family over for brunch, which turned out much better than the caramel rolls.
We enjoyed spring temperature weather today. After our company left, we headed out to the local ski hill and the girls skied while Steve and I had fun hanging out in the chalet with friends. It was a beautiful evening to ski.
The girls slept good last night and had a hard time getting up for school. I felt sorry for them. I would not want to go to school today either.
Hope you had a fun day Honey! Your family loves you so much!! Thanks for being such a good husband and daddy and taking care of us!!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
"Stupid Wish"
Today Avery came home from Grandma's house with half a wishbone. She was so excited because she won the pull with Grandma. I asked her if she made a wish and she said, "Yes I did but I'm going to tell you my wish because I don't want it to come true anymore.
Me: "Oh, you don't have to tell me your wish."
Avery: "Yes, I'm going to because it is stupid anyway."
Me: "What do you mean? It can't be that bad."
Avery: "Yes it is bad. It's really stupid!"
Me: "Do you want it to come true?"
Avery: "NO! I don't want it to come true anymore! I'm too scared!"
Me: "What could you have possibly wished for that you no longer want to come true?"
Avery: "I wished that I could go into outer space. There! I'm glad I told you because now my wish will not come true. I'm too scared to go into outer space."
Then she picked up the wishbone and threw it in the garbage.
Me: "Oh, you don't have to tell me your wish."
Avery: "Yes, I'm going to because it is stupid anyway."
Me: "What do you mean? It can't be that bad."
Avery: "Yes it is bad. It's really stupid!"
Me: "Do you want it to come true?"
Avery: "NO! I don't want it to come true anymore! I'm too scared!"
Me: "What could you have possibly wished for that you no longer want to come true?"
Avery: "I wished that I could go into outer space. There! I'm glad I told you because now my wish will not come true. I'm too scared to go into outer space."
Then she picked up the wishbone and threw it in the garbage.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Paper pregnancy
Like I mentioned in a previous post, we are doing relatively well with the extended wait. However, I have been thinking a lot lately about my three pregnancies and deliveries.
I'm beginning to see some parallels to our adoption journey. I was terribly uncomfortable for all three of my pregnancies. I remember thinking with each of them that I could not be pregnant one more day and when I was in labor, there came a point when I felt like I just could not go on for even one more contraction.
Our wait for a referral is similar in that we have waited over 9 months already. When we started the process, we were told the wait would be 6 -9 months and maybe less because we are adopting an older child.
I went two weeks past my due date with each girl, so in a way, this feels like we are way past our due date. This time around, I'm starting to have some of the same feelings of not wanting to go one more day without knowing my child. There have been many days when I have felt discouraged and have wondered if it will ever happen.
But what keeps me going is remembering the joy and relief that comes after each delivery. These feelings are almost indescribable. The pains and struggles are well worth it in the end.
I'm beginning to see some parallels to our adoption journey. I was terribly uncomfortable for all three of my pregnancies. I remember thinking with each of them that I could not be pregnant one more day and when I was in labor, there came a point when I felt like I just could not go on for even one more contraction.
Our wait for a referral is similar in that we have waited over 9 months already. When we started the process, we were told the wait would be 6 -9 months and maybe less because we are adopting an older child.
I went two weeks past my due date with each girl, so in a way, this feels like we are way past our due date. This time around, I'm starting to have some of the same feelings of not wanting to go one more day without knowing my child. There have been many days when I have felt discouraged and have wondered if it will ever happen.
But what keeps me going is remembering the joy and relief that comes after each delivery. These feelings are almost indescribable. The pains and struggles are well worth it in the end.
Friday, February 27, 2009
We now have a TEENAGER in the house!!!
HaPPy BirThday LAUREN!!!
We have been so blessed to parent this young lady. Even though she has had some "teenager" moments and struggles, I would have to say, parenting a teenager has been rewarding in so many ways!!
Maybe we aren't far enough into the teenage years to have experience much yet but so far, Lauren has been an amazing child. She is respectful and kind to others. She would never cause any harm to anyone.
One of my favorite past times is to spend time in conversation with Lauren. Many times we have been alone together in the car or shopping at the mall. During these long talks, I always have intentions of encouraging her in her faith and her day to day just surviving life experiences. What I have discovered in her is that God has gifted her with great wisdom, even at her young age. So, not only am I teaching her things along the way but I have a lot to learn from her as well.
Lauren is very mature in her faith and sometimes I need to turn to her for encouragement. Her faith is unwavering and her motivation to work hard and succeed is admirable. Among other things, she has taught me a little about humility, grace and modesty.
Lauren is not only gifted with much wisdom, she is also a gifted musician. At the beginning the school year, she started out as 5th chair violin (or something like that) for the Jr High Orchestra. After their first concert, she came home and stated, "I am going to unseat the first chair!" She worked hard and the next concert, she was first chair!!
She also works hard on her school work and maintains straight As - that is even with being in an accelerated Math class!! I know I'm bragging here but this is her birthday and she deserves some recognition for her accomplishments. She indeed has has accomplished much in her 13 years of life!
Lauren loves excursions, such as weekend trips with her youth group. If there is a trip option available, Lauren will convince us she needs to go. This is the adventure side of her. Even this weekend, for example, after we planned birthday events for her throughout the weekend, she was trying to figure out how she could still go to a weekend camp with the youth group.
What does the future hold for Lauren?? She has dreams of moving to New Zealand to live and go Sky Diving. Yes! She does have a daring side to her too. If she sets her mind to it, like she has for her other accomplishments, she will some day Sky Dive in New Zealand, no doubt.
Her eagerness to do it all probably is the most challenging part of parenting her. Steve and I can barely keep up with her ambitions. All I know is that God has some big plans for her in her life.
Need to update our information
I received a call from our Social Worker yesterday morning. Since we may not receive a referral until May, some of our paper work will expire. When we started the process, never did we imagine that we would reach a point where we would have to paper chase again!!
Our home study needs to be updated because it will expire in May. We also have to redo our fingerprinting, which will expire in September. We should be travelling before September, but just to be on the safe side, we need to plan ahead.
This adoption journey has taken much longer than we expected. There are several reasons why the process has lengthened, one being that in Ethiopia, they are taking more measures to making the process more ethical. For this, I am thankful for.
We are handling the wait relatively well. Knowing that God is in control and not us or anyone else, brings comfort. All three of my labors were physically hard. This time, I'm not experiencing the physical labor but the emotional labor. Either way, the pain and struggles are much worth it in the end. I am happy to redo paper work, just another step in the process to bringing our child home.
Our home study needs to be updated because it will expire in May. We also have to redo our fingerprinting, which will expire in September. We should be travelling before September, but just to be on the safe side, we need to plan ahead.
This adoption journey has taken much longer than we expected. There are several reasons why the process has lengthened, one being that in Ethiopia, they are taking more measures to making the process more ethical. For this, I am thankful for.
We are handling the wait relatively well. Knowing that God is in control and not us or anyone else, brings comfort. All three of my labors were physically hard. This time, I'm not experiencing the physical labor but the emotional labor. Either way, the pain and struggles are much worth it in the end. I am happy to redo paper work, just another step in the process to bringing our child home.
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