Each month I help drive Olivia's class to one of the local nursing homes. There we visit with the residents and create crafts. This month the activities director had designed a page full of trivia questions having to do with events in history that happened in November.
One of the questions was,
"Which president was assassinated in November?"
a. Kennedy
b. Nixon
c. Lincoln
The resident that Olivia and I were paired up with had her ideas:
R: Oh, was that Nixon?
Me: No, Nixon was not assassinated.
R: He wasn't?!! Well, I know it can't be Kennedy because I remember that day like it was yesterday. He was assassinated in the summer, not November.
Me: Are you sure? Well then, do you think maybe Lincoln was assassinated in November?
R: Lincoln was assassinated?!?? I didn't know that!
Me: Yes. Lincoln was assassinated.
R: Well, I still think it's Nixon.
Me: No. Nixon was not assassinated.
R: Ok, well if you are sure Lincoln was assassinated, then I'll put him down. (rather reluctantly)
Then when they revealed the answer to be Kennedy, she looked at me with bewilderment and said, "you were wrong! I was right!"
Me: Whatever!#@#
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
Preparing to grieve
We have prepared in many ways for this adoption. But after reading the stories of other adoptive families, I don't know if I can fully prepare my heart to handle the inevitable grieving for our son's loss.
But then again, how do you prepare to grieve? Those who loose loved ones without notice, don't have time to prepare. Grieving is just that natural and necessary reaction to a loss.
The hardest part of this whole adoption process is knowing that our son will suffer a great loss and we will all share in his grieving over his loss. Once we hear his story, the grieving will begin.
I have felt great sadness over the past few days for this part of our journey. So, maybe the grieving has already begun.
But just when I think we understand this whole adoption process and feel ready to add to our family, there are parts of the journey where I don't know if I'm ready for or not.
Maybe we have not received a referral yet because God knows we are not ready to know our son's story. As we continue to prepare are hearts, there is no better way to prepare than to read the stories of other adoptive families.
The following is a story of one family grieving the loss of a birth family and country with their adopted toddler son. This is a tear jerker but worth the read:
On one hand, it's the first Halloween our little peanut gets to experience...we've kept the goblins/scary stuff pretty much away from him, and instead focused on pumpkins, his costume (very cute little horse) and the fun day we said it would be. He got to wear his costume to school today which made him incredibly happy and participate in the little Halloween parade they do there.
Now for the other hand...it's the one year anniversary that he was relinquished. I've been dreading the day, and the closer it's gotten, the more of a weight I've felt on my chest. The enormity of it, how it changed my son's life forever, feels so much more real now the more we settle into our lives together (and the more in love with him we fall) than it ever has before. We adore each other, truly, but the pain of it is almost more than I can bear at the moment. I imagine what his family felt then and what they feel now, what he felt then and what he feels now, suppressed inside his beautiful heart.
Thanks for reading and letting me get this off my chest...need to go home soon and make the rest of the day as fun for him as I promised!
ETA...(sorry this is so long!) so I almost posted Friday night that we ended up having a great day, while my son was a little confused as to what exactly Halloween was, he loved the costumes, candy, etc and the generally festive atmosphere. Then Saturday came...wow. While I believe I never let on to him how I was feeling inside or that the date (Friday) was anything special other than Halloween, how's this for a child remembering and letting you know he remembered. I should also say he hasn't talked about his past in ET in several months or wanted to if I mentioned it.
So this is how Saturday went:1) in the morning, he put on his new Lightning McQueen rain boots (not raining, just excited to wear them) and about 5 minutes later casually mentioned to me that his (birth parent)used to wear them. ("not the Lightning McQueen kind but the same boots").
2) later in the morning, a bit of a running joke continued...when my husband asked him if he wanted coffee, he said "no, Dad! you're silly!, my husband replied "you used to drink coffee when you were little" (we have a couple of pics of him drinking it in his lifebook)...only this time my son, instead of continuing the joke, answered him very loudly "that's because I didn't have a mommy & a daddy then to tell me!"
3) late in the afternoon, we are in the big farmers market here(heavily populated by Ethiopians) when he sees a few sugar cane stalks in someone's cart...he gets really excited and starts yelling at the man "excuse me, excuse me, where you get that?" and then "mom, please please please, I need that, it's my favorite". I said "I never knew you liked that", he said "it's so long mom, I never see it, please". So we found some to buy but he's still so excited, showing me how we need to cut it and strip it and how he would chew it. I asked when he last had it. He said, "I have it in English", then "no, before". I asked "did you have it where the other children were?" (care center) and he said "no, before that, with (birth parent)", basically that it was a big treat for him. Fast forward an hour later, we are home preparing dinner, but he's insisting on having some sugar cane, we give him a little piece, he's so happy chewing it, showing us how you have to spit it out.
4) coming out of his bath 20 minutes later, out of nowhere he starts singing "if you're happy and you know it clap your hands!" and proceeds to sing much of the song...I now have chills, for those of you who've been through the goodbye ceremony might remember the children (who are staying) singing it to the families who are leaving with their children. I ask "do you know this from school?" he said "no mom, from when you and daddy came to get me".
5) finally, not 5 minutes later I'm bringing him to the kitchen to give him dinner when he starts very sad almost baby like behavior and complaining about how his belly hurts. I ask him if he's just hungry or has to go to the bathroom, he says no "it's the sugar", then "I want daddy". We go to my husband and now in an even more pitiful voice, he says "dad, I need medicine, my belly hurts", "the sugar no good" and "please dad". Then for the first time in many many months, he says he's not hungry for dinner, we can just read books and go to bed. 6) on our way to bed, his face just crumples but he's holding it in...I say "you want to cry" he nods and I say "it's ok, go ahead"...he then sobs like he hasn't in months and months. I ask if he's sad, he nods, if he's mad, he nods again, I ask at who? at mommy?, he nods, at daddy?, he nods, at (birth parent)?, he nods again. I ask if he can say why, he just says "the sugar".
But then again, how do you prepare to grieve? Those who loose loved ones without notice, don't have time to prepare. Grieving is just that natural and necessary reaction to a loss.
The hardest part of this whole adoption process is knowing that our son will suffer a great loss and we will all share in his grieving over his loss. Once we hear his story, the grieving will begin.
I have felt great sadness over the past few days for this part of our journey. So, maybe the grieving has already begun.
But just when I think we understand this whole adoption process and feel ready to add to our family, there are parts of the journey where I don't know if I'm ready for or not.
Maybe we have not received a referral yet because God knows we are not ready to know our son's story. As we continue to prepare are hearts, there is no better way to prepare than to read the stories of other adoptive families.
The following is a story of one family grieving the loss of a birth family and country with their adopted toddler son. This is a tear jerker but worth the read:
On one hand, it's the first Halloween our little peanut gets to experience...we've kept the goblins/scary stuff pretty much away from him, and instead focused on pumpkins, his costume (very cute little horse) and the fun day we said it would be. He got to wear his costume to school today which made him incredibly happy and participate in the little Halloween parade they do there.
Now for the other hand...it's the one year anniversary that he was relinquished. I've been dreading the day, and the closer it's gotten, the more of a weight I've felt on my chest. The enormity of it, how it changed my son's life forever, feels so much more real now the more we settle into our lives together (and the more in love with him we fall) than it ever has before. We adore each other, truly, but the pain of it is almost more than I can bear at the moment. I imagine what his family felt then and what they feel now, what he felt then and what he feels now, suppressed inside his beautiful heart.
Thanks for reading and letting me get this off my chest...need to go home soon and make the rest of the day as fun for him as I promised!
ETA...(sorry this is so long!) so I almost posted Friday night that we ended up having a great day, while my son was a little confused as to what exactly Halloween was, he loved the costumes, candy, etc and the generally festive atmosphere. Then Saturday came...wow. While I believe I never let on to him how I was feeling inside or that the date (Friday) was anything special other than Halloween, how's this for a child remembering and letting you know he remembered. I should also say he hasn't talked about his past in ET in several months or wanted to if I mentioned it.
So this is how Saturday went:1) in the morning, he put on his new Lightning McQueen rain boots (not raining, just excited to wear them) and about 5 minutes later casually mentioned to me that his (birth parent)used to wear them. ("not the Lightning McQueen kind but the same boots").
2) later in the morning, a bit of a running joke continued...when my husband asked him if he wanted coffee, he said "no, Dad! you're silly!, my husband replied "you used to drink coffee when you were little" (we have a couple of pics of him drinking it in his lifebook)...only this time my son, instead of continuing the joke, answered him very loudly "that's because I didn't have a mommy & a daddy then to tell me!"
3) late in the afternoon, we are in the big farmers market here(heavily populated by Ethiopians) when he sees a few sugar cane stalks in someone's cart...he gets really excited and starts yelling at the man "excuse me, excuse me, where you get that?" and then "mom, please please please, I need that, it's my favorite". I said "I never knew you liked that", he said "it's so long mom, I never see it, please". So we found some to buy but he's still so excited, showing me how we need to cut it and strip it and how he would chew it. I asked when he last had it. He said, "I have it in English", then "no, before". I asked "did you have it where the other children were?" (care center) and he said "no, before that, with (birth parent)", basically that it was a big treat for him. Fast forward an hour later, we are home preparing dinner, but he's insisting on having some sugar cane, we give him a little piece, he's so happy chewing it, showing us how you have to spit it out.
4) coming out of his bath 20 minutes later, out of nowhere he starts singing "if you're happy and you know it clap your hands!" and proceeds to sing much of the song...I now have chills, for those of you who've been through the goodbye ceremony might remember the children (who are staying) singing it to the families who are leaving with their children. I ask "do you know this from school?" he said "no mom, from when you and daddy came to get me".
5) finally, not 5 minutes later I'm bringing him to the kitchen to give him dinner when he starts very sad almost baby like behavior and complaining about how his belly hurts. I ask him if he's just hungry or has to go to the bathroom, he says no "it's the sugar", then "I want daddy". We go to my husband and now in an even more pitiful voice, he says "dad, I need medicine, my belly hurts", "the sugar no good" and "please dad". Then for the first time in many many months, he says he's not hungry for dinner, we can just read books and go to bed. 6) on our way to bed, his face just crumples but he's holding it in...I say "you want to cry" he nods and I say "it's ok, go ahead"...he then sobs like he hasn't in months and months. I ask if he's sad, he nods, if he's mad, he nods again, I ask at who? at mommy?, he nods, at daddy?, he nods, at (birth parent)?, he nods again. I ask if he can say why, he just says "the sugar".
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Cost of adoption
Several people have made some reference to me regarding the cost of adoption. Some have asked me straight out how much will our adoption cost and others will say, "Isn't it expensive to adopt?!" OR "Why does adoption cost so much?"
First of all I will not give out a figure for the total cost of our adoption unless I know that someone is genuinely interested in adoption themselves.
Secondly, I don't think people realize that there is a huge tax credit ($10,000 +). Also, there are several organization who have grants available for families for financial assistance.
First of all I will not give out a figure for the total cost of our adoption unless I know that someone is genuinely interested in adoption themselves.
Secondly, I don't think people realize that there is a huge tax credit ($10,000 +). Also, there are several organization who have grants available for families for financial assistance.
Aside from the assistance or how much the adoption process taxes your finances, if God has chosen for you a path leading to adoption, God will provide your needs.
Why does adoption cost so much when there are so many orphans in the world? Adoption is a legal process and there are many resources and processes that are necessary to complete this legal process. For example, background checks is just one of the many steps a family has to take. This step is very necessary and will help cut down on human trafficking, a reality that is growing in all parts of our world, even in our own state.
In addition, the Ethiopian government specifically asks adoption agencies to give back to their country in some way. Our agency has provided much relief to much needed causes in many ways. Just to name a few, they have built a school, a stadium and a hospital in the capital city, all of which help generate money for their economy and provide needed schooling and health care for those who before have gone without these services.
We are not adopting to 'save' a child as many people like to assume. And our son will not be the lucky one. We are the lucky ones. We do hope to provide him with a better living environment. But regardless of his current environment, we know that God would choose his first family over us. Even if his family has nothing, being raised by his first family would be God's first choice for him.
We are adopting because we want to add to our family through adoption and since we see one of the biggest needs in Ethiopia, we have chosen to pursue adoption through this country. To us, this child's life is priceless. To his birth family, it is a much bigger price to pay.
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from becoming polluted by the world." James 1:27
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Skunks only spray Grirls!
My father is retiring from farming after this fall's harvest. So, our family travelled to the farm this past weekend to witness some of the last corn picking days of his farming career. We love the farm! There is never a shortage of four wheeler rides, tractor rides and combine rides.
For my kids, this is like Disney World!
Actually, it's better than Disney World because not only are the rides fun but the culture you experience is so rich. Like, how many kids have really seen a LIVE SKUNK up close?!?!
My kids and all their cousins got to see a skunk. No, it wasn't a black and white kitty. It was an actual skunk that found it's way into a cage on my parent's farm and got trapped.
The cousins were so entertained by this skunk. Avery, my 5 year old announced that she didn't go any closer than 10 feet from the creature. How far can skunks spray? Well, I don't think I want to find out so I asked my children to keep their distance.
And then I had this conversation with my 3 year old nephew, who also saw the black and white 'kitty':
Me: O, have you seen the skunk?
O: Yes!
Me: Does it stink?
O: Yes!
Me: Oh! Did it spray you?!?
O: No it didn't spray me.
Me: Can I go see the skunk?
O: No! (shaking his head) You can't see it because it only sprays grirls. It doesn't spray boys.
Me: Oh, well if it only sprays girls, I better not go near it then.
Thank you mom and dad for the rich experience!!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Referrals starting again
After 4 months of hardly any referrals, our agency finally handed out a batch of referrals the first two weeks of October. We were disappointed but not overly surprised that we did not receive a referral this time.
When we started this process, we expected to wait 2 - 4 months. We thought for sure we would have our son home by Christmas. We are now 5 months into our wait and now will not travel until 2009.
The good thing is that every time there are referrals, we get that much closer to meeting our son. Also, our agency just announced that they now have contracts with 2 more orphanages in Ethiopia. We are hoping this will pick up the slow down we've had in referrals.
We know that our son will join our family at the right time but this wait is testing our patience. It's really hard to stay focused when so much time passes with no word.
Still, we try to keep our eyes focused on the Lord and not the wait. We have hope and joy in knowing that He will select the right child for our family at the right time.
When we started this process, we expected to wait 2 - 4 months. We thought for sure we would have our son home by Christmas. We are now 5 months into our wait and now will not travel until 2009.
The good thing is that every time there are referrals, we get that much closer to meeting our son. Also, our agency just announced that they now have contracts with 2 more orphanages in Ethiopia. We are hoping this will pick up the slow down we've had in referrals.
We know that our son will join our family at the right time but this wait is testing our patience. It's really hard to stay focused when so much time passes with no word.
Still, we try to keep our eyes focused on the Lord and not the wait. We have hope and joy in knowing that He will select the right child for our family at the right time.
Monday, October 6, 2008
My weekend with Lauren
This past weekend, I helped chaperon 15 girls (including my 12 year old, Lauren) from our church to the 'Revolve Tour' at the Target Center. Over 6,000 teenage girls from the Midwest and Canada attended the event. Our girls spent the night at a local church. Their sleep over was one of the highlights of their weekend.
The most popular part of the tour was the Christian band, Hawk Nelson. The girls absolutely went crazy over them!
Natalie Grant was also a hit! She was so awesome but unfortunately, I don't have pictures of her.
Another one of my favorite parts of the event was a message from Chad Eastham who wrote the book "Guys like girls who..." He told the girls that guys like girls who are comfortable in their own jeans and who like themselves. He also brought home the idea of NOT letting the guys be accessible by 'key pad' during this modern age popularity of communicating by text messaging. They even designed a T-shirt with the message, 'Don't txt my heart'.
Jenna Lucado (Max Lucado's daughter) was also there to deliver a powerful message about how "God is ALWAYS accessible, but it's up to me to access Him."
I was most inspired by this 14 year old boy. He started his own organization, Hoops of Hope and has raised millions of dollars to build schools and help feed hungry children in Africa. Go to this link http://www.hoopsofhope.org/get-involved/ for information on how you can get involved in this ministry.
My day with Avery
On a beautiful, sunshine, fall day, Avery and I took many pictures outside. She loves getting her picture taken! I just love spending time with this little one. We have so much fun together!
This is Lucy, the sunflower Olivia brought home from school in the spring and transplanted in our garden. When Olivia brought Lucy home, she was smaller than the size of my pinky!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Sharing our story once again
I had the great privilege once again to read to Olivia's class. This time I chose a book about adoption.
Olivia has been getting a lot of questions lately from her classmates about our adoption. She doesn't know how to answer every question, so I used this as a time to educated the rest of her class and to help her answer some of those tough questions.
I answered no less than 20 questions from the students. They were so intrigued by our adoption story that they kept wanting to know more. Here were some of their questions/comments:
Will he be black?
Will he live with your family the rest of his life?
Will he be a twin to Olivia?
How old will he be?
Won't he be afraid?
How soon will you have him?
Can you bring him to school so we can see him?
I have a brother. Are you sure Olivia wants a brother?
How far do you have to travel to get him?
How long will you be gone?
Where are Olivia, Lauren and Avery going to stay while you are gone?
I know someone who adopted.
Olivia was pleased with the positive response from her classmates. In a way, I think it kind of took some pressure off her. She doesn't feel so weird about the whole thing anymore - she feels more at ease. What a blessing!
She informed me that at the end of their school day, her teacher lifted our family up in prayer, which really meant the world to Olivia!
Olivia has been getting a lot of questions lately from her classmates about our adoption. She doesn't know how to answer every question, so I used this as a time to educated the rest of her class and to help her answer some of those tough questions.
I answered no less than 20 questions from the students. They were so intrigued by our adoption story that they kept wanting to know more. Here were some of their questions/comments:
Will he be black?
Will he live with your family the rest of his life?
Will he be a twin to Olivia?
How old will he be?
Won't he be afraid?
How soon will you have him?
Can you bring him to school so we can see him?
I have a brother. Are you sure Olivia wants a brother?
How far do you have to travel to get him?
How long will you be gone?
Where are Olivia, Lauren and Avery going to stay while you are gone?
I know someone who adopted.
Olivia was pleased with the positive response from her classmates. In a way, I think it kind of took some pressure off her. She doesn't feel so weird about the whole thing anymore - she feels more at ease. What a blessing!
She informed me that at the end of their school day, her teacher lifted our family up in prayer, which really meant the world to Olivia!
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